You can't special order awesome
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
