his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
