After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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