I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
