Will you blow on my dice?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
