I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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