Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
