is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
