Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
