grandma shit on top of the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
