It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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