He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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