i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize