Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
