I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
