I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
