I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
