Where did you get a picture of my penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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