when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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