the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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