Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
