Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
