I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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