I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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