The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
