the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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