Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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