I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
