I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
