oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
