I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
