batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
