i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
