Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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