he thought i was a dude.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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