You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
