I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
