the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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