I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
