You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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