No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
