at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
