great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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