So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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