hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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