I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
