He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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