oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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