if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
