Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
