She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
