I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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