Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
