her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
