Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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