Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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