Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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