Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize