I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
