you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We are two peas in an std pod
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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