but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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