the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
