If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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