96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
