also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
