you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
