He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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