he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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