next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
