Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
