Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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