The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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