bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
