ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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