i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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